I grew up Catholic. But I never had a strong home life to support learning about my Catholic faith. My dad didn't practice any religion, and my mom, who was raised Catholic, may have taught religious education for many years, but I knew she didn't really know any more than what was in the teacher's guidebook. We went to church off and on. And I never really understood the meanings behind what was happening.
By the time I reached tenth grade and was in confirmation class, I wanted to explore my faith more. And I was supposed to be doing this in my weekly classes. Unfortunately, the mentality of my teacher and the other students didn't really support truly learning what we were supposed to be learning. We did the worksheets and packets, but basically just to say we did. I didn't really learn as I wanted to.
I became a full member of the Catholic Church. Yet I didn't understand it very well at all.
By the time I was choosing colleges, I decided to attend a private Catholic school. I thought this would help me rebuild my faith. But this did not happen as expected. I became involved with the Catholic club on campus and took a basic theology course my first year. However, both didn't provide me with the experience I was seeking. The club was more for students who were extremely Catholic and knew a lot. I didn't and felt out of it. I still attended fairly regularly my first year, but didn't continue too much after that due to conflicting staff meetings and theatrical commitments. And the basic theology course was more of a basic introduction to Christianity. While I did learn a bit, the professor wanted us to learn a little about many Christian religions, so I didn't gain the knowledge I wanted to of the Catholic faith.
In my remaining years in college, I still attended mass nearly every Sunday, but never explored my faith as I desired. I tried to take advantage of attending speakers and other events on campus as I could, but never got the structured journey I knew I needed.
Since I graduated, my track record for attending mass has been horrible. I rarely make it. And this hurts me. I really want to rebuild my faith. And just explore it. And grow to understand it. I know that there are many religions out there and much to be explored. However, I have learned quite a bit about other religions while I was in college: my first-year seminar course looked at religions and popular culture, and I took an upper division theology course on Islam. But I really want to embrace the Catholic faith first and see where it takes me.
While many disagree with many of its teachings, I believe in the basic beliefs of the Catholic Church presented in the Nicene Creed. I think Catholic social teaching is simply great. And the basic morality of the Catholic Church is the root of my basic beliefs as a human being. I know there have been many controversies surrounding the Catholic Church, but I believe these have been brought on by people, not the Church itself. Just as there are corrupt teachers, political leaders, policemen, and businessmen, there are corrupt leaders and members of the Catholic Church. Their actions do not define the religion, just as the wrongdoings of some political leaders do not define the basic beliefs of democracy.
I have been searching for resources that will help in the next steps in my faith journey. Thinking just now, I believe I should simply try to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church and study the Bible. While I do not expect to understand everything, it should help me in a starting point to understanding my faith. I just wish there was some concise study guide that might help me through to better understanding. I also need to make my way to mass more often.
And we will see where my faith goes from there. Little steps that hopefully will lead to understanding and commitment.
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